Birth Story

We appreciate all the love in text messages and emails from friends and family.

This is a long rambling post, you have been forewarned. You may also need tissues.

L was never going to make it to 40 weeks, we were planning on inducing at 39. My pregnancy weeks 36-38 I had doctor appointments twice a week. I had an ultrasound, NST, see the OB, everything! The girls in the office got to know me very well. I went in for my 38 week appointment, set up for the NST, that went well. I was also there for a blood pressure check, not really to see the OB. They checked my blood pressure and it was still high, the doctor came in to see me and take my blood pressure again and it wasn't going down. He left to speak with the high risk Dr and they came to the conclusion they weren't going to wait another week. I was being sent to the hospital. I got all my forms and folders from the front desk girls and the prescription for inducing. I texted Josh (who thought I was kidding!!) and my mom who both left work went to our house and picked up the bags I had packed.

I drove over to the hospital went up to the labor and delivery floor, and after a bit of a "mis-communication" I got settled into a room and had my nurse for the first shift. (she was fantastic)! We spoke about what was going to happen and  procedures. They gave me the inducing "pill" gave me an IV (which I think was the worst part of the whole process!!!!) I started to feel contractions and they were just more "annoying" than anything else at this point. About 2 hours into having labor start I had gone 5cm. The Dr came in and broke my water, which was a very odd experience in itself, then the labor really started coming on! They brought the anesthesiologist in and gave me the epidural. Things started to numb and feel much better. This was 8PM. Around 10-11PM the Dr came in checked me and I was 10cm and ready to push. I pushed for 2 hours and wasn't really getting anywhere. The Dr came in again to check things and declared that something was blocking and I needed a c-section. At this point I was tried and I was done, I would gladly accept a c-section (even though they scared the ba-jeezies out of me). I was so tired and delirious at this point I remember them giving Josh the robes to put over his clothes, and being wheeled into the operating room. They had also turned off my epidural the last hour when I tried pushing so the contractions where on fire at this point!! While in the OR they gave me a different medicine to numb the bottom and hooked me up to a million more machines. While hooking me up and getting me prepped for the Dr, I nodded off sleeping it was around 1-1:30AM. I was awoken to hearing Josh come in and we were ready to go. (Now this is where my"delivery" experience hit the fan-in my opinion)

• I wasn't the biggest fan of the Dr that delivered me
• I had no idea what was going on
• I didn't know what L was, the Dr didn't hold him over the "curtain" when he came out for me to see-he just pulled him out and passed him off
• I didn't get to hold my son
• Josh didn't get to cut the umbilical cord
• I didn't get the skin to skin contact with him

I felt the Dr pushing on the top of my belly and I thought it was to re-position L from being down in the birth canal. At one point I asked if it was out? Heard a nurse ask is it a boy or girl and someone respond, "it's a boy!" Josh went over when the had little dude all cleaned and wrapped up.

The nurse and Josh brought little dude over to my head so I could see him, but I was strapped to the table and couldn't move. I only saw him for a moment before they took him back away to check more vitals. Then I heard they were going to take him out for my mom to see, and that was the last I saw of my son and Josh for HOURS! The Dr finished cleaning and closing me up. There was a lot going on and I was ready to leave and be done. This took a long time or so it felt. I kept asking when this would be done. I started to feel really nauseous and told my night nurse (another great one- all the nurses that tended to me were amazing!!!) they gave me a dose of who knows what, but it started to sub-side. Finally I hear that the Dr is wrapped up and done, and that was a last I saw and heard of him, The nurses hurried to clean everything up and I was was getting freezing cold, they brought me "fresh from the dryer blankets" which were fantastic!

A few things we learned later why the c-section was the best option:

• L was wrapped up in the umbilical cord (not around his neck from what I understand, but just wrapped around him)
• L has a small "soft spot" so the plates that needed to move for conventional delivery couldn't move enough

I was pulled over to a stretcher to be taken to "recovery". I couldn't be taken to my maternity room until I could move my legs. While in the recovery mom and Josh came in, mom to say bye, and Josh to get the bags and then come back to stay with me.  I knocked out sleeping in recovery, next time I woke up I started to be able to move 1 leg. When the nurse came over to check my vitals I told her, she had me raise my 1 leg bent at the knee and asked me to do the same with the other, I could wiggle my foot (from knee down), but couldn't drag it up. She said a little while longer. Finally at around 5AM I could move my legs and push my bottom half off the bed as needed. I was still majorly out of it, but someone came and got my stretcher and wheeled me to the maternity ward. Once in my room the nurse came in spoke to me about what was going on, gave me some pain meds and more IV fluid, then another nurse wheeled  a little tiny "crib" with L in it. I tried to feed him from boob, he took a little and then fell asleep. I was so exhausted I would have loved to cuddle and snuggle him, but I was falling asleep sitting up. I put him back in his little crib and wheeled it closer to my bed and passed out asleep. By morning I heard him stirring and woke up, I couldn't reach him from my position so I had to throw something at Josh to get him up. My morning nurse came in while Josh was holding him and gave me more meds and fluid. I told her when she was done I was going to try and feed him from boob again. She looked at him and noticed he was breathing kind of heavy and his top lip was a very dark shade of red-ish purple. She took him the nursery to have them look him over. Josh followed them to see what was going on. The nurse came back in to say that he was being admitted into the NICU because of his oxygen levels and possible fluid in his lungs (which is more-or-less normal for c-section babies). I was jaded into thinking that he would go into NICU they would run some test and return him. That does not happen! They keep them in NICU until whatever test they are running come back 100% with a 48 hour waiting period. Josh went to visit L in the NICU often, I was still hooked up to IV and a catheter so I could not move. Finally 24 they removed the catheter but kept me on fluids until morning, then the unplugged all that, and I could finally change into my own clothes and bathrobe and walk.....slowly! I was very nervous about seeing L in the NICU (it freaked me out a little) but we got a wheel chair and Josh took me over. We scrubbed up and went it. Little dude looked so helpless in his little crib hooked up to all sorts of stuff.

First family of 3 selfie

 I had to ask permission to hold me son, I couldn't do anything other than sit there and hold him with wires and beeping monitors. The first nurse I was introduced to that was taking care of him I did not like. She was not very compassionate and was very rough when trying to show me how to breastfeed. We went back to our room and I broke down in tears. It was awful. My kid did not belong in there, he was fine, I wanted to hold him.
I wrote the following while at the hospital and going through a particularly bad time mentally and emotionally:

I have a kid, I have a son, but I don't feel like a parent or a mom. 
I had to have an emergency c-section, I didn't even know when they pulled him out, I didn't know how much he weighted, I didn't know how long he was. 
I was able to finally see him 3 hours after his arrival, but only saw him for 2 hours, before he was taken to the nursery for care because he was breathing heavy, his 1 lip was a dark red, getting to purple, and his oxygen levels. 
I have visited him as much as possible in the NICU, when I'm with him there I feel like a mom, I want to snuggle and squish him, but I can't because of all the tubes and wires, and nurses almost staring you down. When I have him I want to walk around and do what I want to do, but I can't, I have to stay in 1 spot, I have to be uncomfortable in a gown for germs, I have to be still and listen and hear all the other monitors beeping and going off and other baby's crying. Then I have to put him back in this little bed and walk away leaving him with a nurse I for the most part don't like. 
I miss my dog, I miss my cat, I'm in pain, I'm tired and overall I don't feel like a parent or mother. I feel like a failure. I feel like I can't take care of my kid. I haven't bonded with him. Everyone knows I hated being pregnant, so I didn't have that pregnant building my baby bonding feeling. I look at the picture on my phone and I think it's just a baby, someone else's baby, not my baby. 

That basically summed up how I felt my entire stay at the hospital. Now there was a tiny glimmer of hope on Sunday night that if his test came back good he could be returned to my room late Monday night and we would be discharged Tuesday. Monday we went over to the NICU and they were bustling around and changing his crib. the nurse on duty said he had jaundice and he needed to be under the billi light. I asked about him being discharged with me on Tuesday and she shook her head no. I completely lost it sobbing. It wasn't fair. 99.9% of babied have jaundice and it's something I could take car of at home, why did he have to stay here. Well because it was the NICU, and they don't let babies out of NICU unless they are 100% doesn't matter what is wrong.I did however like this nurse that was taking care of him, even though she came with not the news I wanted to hear. We tried to spend as much time with him before he had to go into the little incubator with the lights. Josh visited him the first time while under the lights without me, I just couldn't do it. He finally convinced me to go the next time and I did and it's just awful to see your kid in a little plastic box and you can only touch him though little arm holes. You can't hold him, you can only stroke his arms/legs/head.

That was majorly overwhelming for me. By the time Tuesday came I knew I was leaving, and I was leaving little dude at the hospital, he wasn't coming with me. I officially got discharged by Tuesday afternoon, but my awesome nurses said I didn't have to leave the building until I was ready, so we stayed in the room for the remainder of the day so we could visit him in the NICU. By 7PM we went to see him and feed him 1 more time before we left for home. I remember setting myself up all day for the fact that we were leaving without him, so that final walk to the NICU was easier than I had planned in my head. Walking away was a little harder, but still manageable. I almost crumbled into a pile while walking down the hall, but kept it together. We got the nurses desk in the maternity ward and I asked the nurse about being discharged and she called for a wheelchair and someone to take me out. She kindly gave me her box of tissues to take with me. We got the room, Josh had already packed everything up, and we sat in silence while waiting for my "escort". He came with my wheelchair and I reluctantly climbed in and off we went. Josh held my hand and we rode home quietly. We planned on Josh going back to work Thursday and Friday. Mom would drop me off in the morning to see little dude and Josh and I would go back when he got home from work. Wednesday Josh had off though. So Wednesday morning we went on over to the hospital and NICU and see little dude. When he was first put under the billi lights he was under 2 of them in his little incubator. When we got there Wednesday he was down to 1 light and laying on a billi blanket, the nurse said he was doing really well, and he might be able to get out of the incubator later that day. We spent a lot of time with him, left for some lunch and was going to be back in the evening. When leaving that's when Josh finally hit his wall. He had been SO strong for me. When we got to the car on the 7th floor of the parking garage a giant hug is what was needed. When we went back later that evening little dude was in his normal open crib still laying on the billi blanket. The nurse told us earlier to bring some of his clothes for him to be changed into. I still had the mentality that he wasn't going to get out until Friday the earliest and possibly over the weekend. Mom was driving me over for the morning visit on Thursday, and while on the way there I got a phone call from his nurse that day saying he was being discharged!
I was so overcome with emotion and just gratefulness! We couldn't get to the hospital fast enough. I got there, left mom in the lobby area and saw my little dude in an open no light crib! I had to watch a CPR video and they had some paperwork to fill out for him. I told mom to go ahead and go to work because I didn't know how long it would take. I texted Josh though that he was being released and to be prepared to come over.

He left work, went by the house to grab his bag, and was on his way. Finally after what felt like an eternity Josh got there in the nick of time because the nurses were ready to wheel him out to the car. We dressed him in his "going home" clothes and put him in the NICU stroller and headed out. Josh pulled up the car and in he went in his car seat. I was so happy and excited. I hugged the nurses good-bye and hopped into the back of the car with him.

**Please remember we want to keep all pictures private, we do not want them shared. Please respect our wishes. Thank you for understanding!!! :)**

40 Weeks

My "official" due date was February 6. I'm glad I didn't go that far, and we have our little 2 week old!

How far along? 2 weeks postpartum

Total weight gain/loss: I was up a total of 35-40 pounds by my last appointment. I am down 20 after birth
Maternity clothes? Yes still using the pants and tanks.
Stretch marks? 2 spots on either side of my belly button
Sleep: Up every 2-3 hours to pump or feed. Josh has been incredibly helpful in this field!
Best moment this week: Taking his "newborn" pictures for announcement cards. (I did them myself) 

Have you told family and friends: Yes
Miss Anything?  Sleep!!
Movement: Well yes, he's a mover and a shaker
Food cravings: I have had more cravings and aversions after pregnancy than I ever had while pregnant. Coffee is not real friendly anymore, but a bowl of cereal is my jam!!
Anything making you queasy or sick: Coffee
Have you started to show yet: I'm really surprised how fast my "belly" is going away, I am also wearing a postpartum belly band to help 
Belly Button in or out? In and slowly getting back to normal, it's still super "stretched" 
Wedding rings on or off? Off, still wearing my "fake" one. I keep trying my real band often, but so far no dice.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy he is here!
Looking forward to: Finishing his nursery (post coming soon on that) and driving myself!!! 

Preparing for Baby L

We are almost done with the nursery basic set up. I have a few things and ideas pinned and saved to add when L comes out and we know weather its a girl or boy.
My wonderful, wonderful mother bought us the nursery glider, and I can NOT wait for that to go in!!! We have put up some book shelves and filled with L's already abundant collection. We need to add closet door knobs (but that's part of what I need to know which knobs to get) and we need to put up some shelves. I have decorated the nursery with a little old and new. I have items from Josh and my childhood that have a space in there. 1 main example is we each still have a stuffed "toy" that we loved as kids. Mine was Missy (the St. Bernard dog from the 90's movie Beethoven) His was a train pillow with a little bear conductor. I bought and they finally arrived a box of wooden letters for the nursery wall above the changing table! I'm super excited to attack that project, and to send out some letters to L's aunties/uncles/and cousins to paint! I can't wait to see what it will look like when it all comes together, and I'm so happy to have friends that are as excited as me to do something for baby's wall and add some of their own flair (so L can have a part of it's relatives kind of close by- I can't wait to sit and show off each letter to L when learning the alphabet and telling the story of who painted what letter)!!

I was convinced L was going to make an appearance next week. I had my standard OB appointment and they freaked out a little with the high blood pressure and sent me to the hospital to be monitored. Everything was fine will being monitored, and everything has been fine since. I have had 2 more ultrasound appointments and meets with the high risk Dr. L is just running out of room, literally and the first ultrasound appointment didn't pass the 4 point test. 4 points being:

• the movement of the diaphragm to simulate breathing
• whole body movement
• muscle "flexing" and movements
• and check the fluid

Baby didn't do the breathing movement. L had done it a few weeks ago, but they want to see that every appointment now. We watched for it for a half hour and I got hooked up to the NST (heart and movement monitor) machine for another half hour. The Dr came in about 15 minutes in, and said "I'll just give it a little bit longer." I got slightly concerned at his tone, so I started poking and prodding L for some movement. The Dr came back and said "Oh good, we have what we need, I need to change my notes, we were going to send you the hospital again." ::Insert mini hear attack!::

Well with that first little scare to the hospital I decided it was time to pack some bags, so L's bag and my bag are packed to go! I also believe L is going to bypass the newborn size! So I have an option of outfits packed for little bit in a variety of sizes.

I met with a pediatrician and she was very nice and lovely and the office is literally across the street from our house. You can tell the pediatrician loves what she does, and has an amazing passion for her job.

I am still working, my last official day is Jan 23, I may or may not make it to that we shall see. I trained my replacement partially on Thursday, and he seems to be catching on quickly (granted we are also cutting my job down to a small percentage for him to do). The Dr wants to see me twice a week now to make sure everything is going good,especially with the movement. We are still looking at a 39 week eviction day, but playing it by ear, because anything can happen, but I feel good knowing I have bags packed, and the nursery is livable (granted baby won't be living in there for a little bit) My super generous cousin's are giving us a bassinet they were gifted with their second and a car seat that their little dude has grown out of. I also have some of the best family!! My step-grandmother has found a few items to keep at my mom's house for her to have like a bouncy seat and a car seat as well (Which the fire department will help you install and inspect to make sure it's still up to code and safe).

I am also starting to plan and cook meals to freeze for easy dinners. Our fridge took a crap out just before Christmas and we had to do a major clean out and throw away (I am still very upset). I had about 3 prefrozen meals that I had to toss. We have to do an overhaul grocery shopping trip to get the essential. On the menu to be made and frozen:

Curry Chicken Pot Pie
Shepard's Pie
Chicken Taco Chili
Hawaiian Pulled Pork - She makes with chicken, and I have too, but I've made it with pork tenderloin also, and wanted more of a variety with the meats I'm using. We also eat as pulled BBQ sandwiches.
No Peek Chicken - My baby momma friend has told me about this one

I also want to pre-make in little baggies smoothies to make in the morning/mid-afternoon for myself. Any tips and recipes on these much welcome!!!!

**We know and understand everyone/family/friends are excited to meet Baby L, however Josh and I have spoken and made the decision to keep L's birth "low key". Chances are our stay at the hospital will be 3 days tops, and we would like to keep those days there as a time for Josh and I to adjust to being a family a 3 and my recovery. We will of course let family know when L makes the appearance, with a text/phone call/email. As for meeting Baby L, we kindly ask that you wait until we get home (and a little settled). Just know we love everyone and we know everyone is really excited for this joyous time. But this is a major adjustment period for us as a couple, newly married, and even pet parents. 

35 Weeks

Cat and dog (partial butt) toy photobomb

How far along? 35 Weeks

Total weight gain/loss: 25 lbs
Maternity clothes? Yes.
Stretch marks? found 2 small sections the other night and am freaking out! I have cocoa buttered those suckers up!
Sleep: Non-existent, up almost every 2-3 hours to pee or just move and re-position
Best moment this week: Don't really have one, or can't think of one. 

Have you told family and friends: Yes
Miss Anything?  Nothing really, I'm at the point that L is "baked" enough if I want sushi or deli meat or a small taste of beer/champagne I WILL have it! 
Movement: Yes! All over the place. 
Food cravings: Nothing major, I will think of something that I would LOVE, but it usually passes
Anything making you queasy or sick: Overeating makes me queasy now, especially at bedtime
Have you started to show yet: Yes! And apparently I've started to drop 
Labor Signs: No, major Braxton Hicks though
Belly Button in or out? In-ish, it's basically flat and the top portion is kind of out, but it is still slightly concave 
Wedding rings on or off? Off. I finally had to break down and get a cheap fake "band" from kohls. Looks similar to my real one, but I miss the real deal very much!
Happy or Moody most of the time: Moody and cranky and tired most of the time.
Looking forward to: Holding L as a newborn!!

Not to alarm anyone (that is why there was no other news anywhere else) I had my first hospital visit. I had my normal check up appointment Wednesday, and I had higher than (my) usual blood pressure. They sent me over to the hospital to be monitored, they were worried about preeclampsia. The whole 5 hours at the hospital my blood pressure was perfect. I am technically on "light" bed rest, but because my job is mostly sedentary I can still work, but may be leaving a little early each day now, just to relax a little more. I got poked and prodded and had blood drawn twice (YUCK). 

I can tell you exactly why my blood pressure was high at the appointment: I had to see the high risk Dr I'm not the biggest fan of (I like the other dude on staff, even though his lazy eye freaks me out). They wanted to keep me another 1/2 hour longer because they wanted to monitor baby's heart (just routine), then I had to go back out into the waiting room to wait to see the OB, and all during this time I'm thinking off all the work I am missing on doing when I left, and had to get back to. Which in retrospect I didn't even make it back to work to finish everything I was working on. 

32 Weeks

No photo for this update. 

Those chalkboards take up more time that you think. 

Major props to the people that do them every week!

How far along? 32 Weeks

Total weight gain/loss: 20+/-
Maternity clothes? Yes.
Stretch marks? ::knock on wood:: still looking good
Sleep: Getting elusive; my night sleeping is restless, constantly tossing and turning and getting up to pee.
Best moment this week: Being told by the OB they won't let me go past 40 weeks at all.

Have you told family and friends: Yes
Miss Anything?  Sitting comfortably 
Movement: Yes! All over the place. Felt the hiccups the other day.
Food cravings: Nothing major. 
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope
Have you started to show yet: Yes! I feel gi-normous! 
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? In, but it's basically flat. Josh said it looked like a butt-hole.
Wedding rings on or off? On, but they are much much harder to get off
Happy or Moody most of the time: Still moody most of the time, but happier because there is light at the end of the tunnel
Looking forward to: The next few OB appointments, we may be talking induction dates!

Our baby shower was amazing! We had such a great time and can't thank everyone that came out to celebrate. We are overwhelmingly grateful for everyone's generosity and the great gifts we received. The nursery has really started to come together. Can't wait to have the nursery tour reveal soon.

30 Weeks- Happy Thanksgiving

How far along? 30 Weeks

Total weight gain/loss: 17-ish + Thanksgiving meal
Maternity clothes? Yes.
Stretch marks? I think we are still good
Sleep: Decent at night, waking up at least twice with full bladder
Best moment this week: Seeing a lot of family since the wedding, and actually getting to spend some time with them.

Have you told family and friends: Yes
Miss Anything?  Still beer and/or alcohol 
Movement: Yes! All over the place. 
Food cravings: Nothing major. Wanted sushi the other day, but it passed
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope
Have you started to show yet: Yes! I feel gi-normous! 
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? In, but I can feel it getting "flatter"
Wedding rings on or off? On, but they are much much harder to get off
Happy or Moody most of the time: Moody and cranky swings, but getting a little happier, because there is light at then end of the tunnel.
Looking forward to: My (OUR) baby shower! And getting ready for our FIRST Christmas in the new house, and out LAST Christmas as a family of 2 (well 6...with the critters)

28 Weeks

How far along? 28 Weeks

Total weight gain/loss: 17-ish
Maternity clothes? I have finally broke out and wear the maternity jeans on a daily basis (however the shorts in this pic are not maternity) Tanks still under my work polos, and almost any other shirt I wear, maternity or not.
Stretch marks? I don't think so. Still using Palmer's coco butter. I do however feel the skin on my stomach "stretching" more if that makes sense.
Sleep: SOOOO tired in the afternoons.
Best moment this week: Finally got carpet in the bedrooms so my nesting instinct can finally kick in and get the nursery put together. Also: This was a few weeks ago, I had to go for a fetal echocardiogram (all diabetic patients go) and the Dr there said little L's heart is text book perfect! She even said I wouldn't need to go back for the follow up in the end weeks. Another good moment: my delivery Dr and I seem to be on the same page, they basically won't let me go past 40 weeks! If everything is normal and good and I want to be/ask to be I could be induced at 39 weeks! YAY!

Have you told family and friends: Yes
Miss Anything?  Still beer and/or alcohol 
Movement: Yes! All over the place. Especially while I'm sitting at work. Josh has felt s/he move on a few occasions, but the little shit seems to know when he's there waiting and of course stops. 
Food cravings: Nothing major, other than a nice cold beer!!!
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope
Have you started to show yet: Yes! I feel gi-normous! In the beginning I couldn't wait for a bigger "bump", now, I so don't want one!
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? In, but I can feel it getting "flatter"
Wedding rings on or off? On, but they are much much harder to get off
Happy or Moody most of the time: Moody, but getting a little happier, because there is light at then end of the tunnel.
Looking forward to: Getting the nursery set up finally! I have it all planned in my head, just need to put it all together. 

Also: A friend tagged me in this post on Facebook. It was the most truthful thing I have read to date! My favorite part was #2 "there may not be a sudden gush of 'love'". I feel this may be the same thing as finding and picking my wedding dress. I did not have the overflow of emotions and tears when I found my dress. I did not cry and jump around happily and giggle when I found out I was pregnant. Like I've  said before, not that I didn't want this, and I will love the end result. It was so nice and reassuring that if  I don't have an overwhelming love and crying session when baby L gets here, I won't feel like a monster. I won't feel like I've failed. It would be a normal response, maybe not the majority, but still normal.